What is the one vital language we are taught to tuck away into corners? The all-important piece of communication drilled into us that makes others feel uncomfortable? The rock hard strength we show in not opening it in front of other people?
It's the language of pain.
Pain. We all have it. Me. You. That person we admire. Those rich people over there. Yup, even them that you might be thinking about. All of us.
So why do most of us hide it?
When we cried as a little fresh, pink-plump infant, most of us got our needs met. Tears of need: comfort me. Rock me. Talk to me. Feed me. Powder me up and strap a clean diaper to me. Someone always seemed to nuzzle the hell out of us with a response.
Then...somewhere not...too...far down the road, what worked before became a bit foggy. We all pull ourselves up and start running and stumbling towards independence by learning how to do things on our own. We still fell, but when we did then, a new reaction stung us. "Stop crying." "Oh, you're fine." "Alright, that's enough!" Hence, the confusing fog.
And so we pulled ourselves up and away, inventing distance between our pain and our needing comfort from others. We punctured a gap in that relationship that started to widen and widen until we and the pain....were strangers. Since we ignored it, the pain turned and introduced itself to other comforts. Boat loads of caffeine. Gallons of slippery liquor. Sex, with or without someone. A busy busy body. A pin ball mind bouncing and rolling all directions. A sticky, thick schedule. A mouthful of constant humor.
Congratulations. As a human adult, you're successful if you don't show your pain to others.
And THAT....is just bullsh!t. Like, unclean baby diaper bullsh!t that we just....sit in now.
Pain connects everyone. We know this when we become fluent in it's language. Pain is more real than any chemicals we ingest and put on top of it. More real in all the ways we hide by keeping our mouth yapping...while most of the time, not really saying anything. Pain is what we run so fast from, sprinting and pin-balling around life to nowhere. These are all signs of pains first words in the language.
We would hate to realize that the defense quirks and personality tricks we all have built up as a way to blah-blah-blend in...might be completely and totally disconnecting. That these tricks have falsely accused us of having it all together. Note for all of us humans - having it altogether does not mean holding it all together and THAT means...we might have had it wrong the entire time.
We see, read about and admire those amazingly brave and rare people that "go on a journey" of self-discovery. Who learn about themselves top to bottom. They are considered heroes - brave people who decide to no longer distract themselves with other people, noise or things because they actually took time to not take any more time and stop...to let all their pain catch up to them.
They break all the way down to nothing.....so that something can finally start. Something real. And guess what? They didn't die. They didn't go insane. They didn't fall apart and lose everything. Instead, they felt everything inside...and with a silent light, they shined out all the dark shadows and mysterious corners of pain and realize that's it's just open space felt all....the......way....through.
Nothing is ever scary again because they've gotten to know their own pain. They don't apologize to people when the tiniest hint of a tear starts forming, like most do. They don't talk around the important stuff that might actually be going on, like most do. The strong people feel. They feel because it's real. Real should be your only interest because when you're real, you can connect. That connection is a language that will reach out to everyone, whether they like it or not. Whether they're comfortable or not. Because it's all connected.
I beg you to cry in front of me if that's really what's there. I don't want the other masked sh!t. I want connection. So I'll cry too.
Pain is just a language waiting for you to go through it. What's not let out just sits there. It doesn't go anywhere. But...you and the pain were never strangers. You are the pain and most of the things you've built is a reaction to it now. Open it by opening it and feeling it all...the way.....through.
OPEN. Fresh, new, airy, soft inviting, sexy open!
Is this part you? Do you do this part? Will you please do this part? I hope this is you. I'll forever work on it being me too.
Because not connecting by not feeling pain is too...painful.
*Download my human experience audio series "Now. Secrets of a Lifecoach" on Amazon or iTunes for more stories. This is THE human experience soundtrack.